Blessed

If my life had a background song right now it would probably be "Cry, Cry Baby" by Janis Joplin. In the midst of frenzied nerves and a somewhat sleepless state, I have to remind myself how truly blessed I am. I have a healthy baby boy who can cry and eat and do all the things that he is supposed to - what a miracle. We love having him in our home.

For a while, I was really worried that things might turn out differently for Cade. After my 31-week ultrasound, I received a call from the Dr.'s office asking me to come back for a follow-up ultrasound because they hadn't seen something (the stomach). No big deal. They had probably just overlooked it and would see it in the follow-up. So I went back at 33-weeks and despite searching, the technician could not locate a stomach. She asked me to come back in an hour because the baby may have just emptied his stomach but with a little time it would fill and we would most likely be able to locate the stomach. I went back - still no stomach. Now...I am worried. She showed me other ultrasounds and pointed out what we should be seeing. In my nervous state, I went home and looked up missing stomach and ultrasound- all the research pointed to an esophageal blockage meaning the baby would not be able to swallow once out of the womb. On top of that, babies born with this kind of blockage usually have other problems - heart, neurological, etc.  Now I am freaking out! All this means IVs, suctioning, surgery, and who knows what else! Suddenly I am looking at this whole pregnancy differently. Now I want the baby to stay in as long as possible for his safety. I am worried about him and find myself wondering what this will mean for our baby and our family. I know we are in the Lord's hands and realize it is not life-threatening but what a long road we may have ahead of us. It is hard to describe the flood of feelings I experienced as I realized this sweet baby may not be what we often call "normal" (something I had just taken for granted). I went for several follow-ups - the perinatologist thought she saw a very small stomach but recommended an MRI and ultrasound at Texas Children's. At 37-weeks we went to Texas Children's, went through several hours of testing, and saw way too many sick children. The results had us feeling less anxious but it was impossible to completely rule out esophageal problems until the baby was actually here. When Cade was finally born, his crying/squealing was a truly wonderful and reassuring sound. He was observed and tested by the pediatrician and declared perfectly fine. How blessed we felt!

So even though these days are chaotic and Cade is not always the happiest little guy - I am happy to have him as he is. I think of how different our situation could have been and I am grateful that I can hold and bounce him in my arms without tubes, hospitalizations, and fear. What a blessing; what a miracle. I am so lucky to be this little guy's mom! :)